Building Mastery

Well, I find myself back in the swing of "school mode" which is somewhat overwhelming, but also very empowering. When depression sets in as deep as mine had you begin to think you are incapable of anything. Now I find that even registering for my classes for the fall semester, or searching for our school books on Amazon is a huge feat--something that I don't know if I would have managed to do a few months ago. I try to "master" one thing a day. Building mastery, whether that is a puzzle, running x amount of miles, writing a paper for class, creating a blog post etc, helps me feel capable again. Building mastery is a part of the therapy I learned while I was in Houston. It really is a key factor for my day's success. Sometimes it's making a batch of cookies, sometimes it's having the goal of putting all the laundry away-whatever it is, it's important to complete it so I feel a sense of capability.
I've also created a sense of mastery when it comes to my field work.
A few things I've "mastered" in regards to my  field work and my partnership with Not Abandoned:
-Met with the Not Abandoned staff.
This was great as I got to share my personal journey of mental healthcare. I heard from Alex and Jeff and listened to their suggestions on how I could be a resources/of use/serve the organisation. Additionally I was able to hear a little more of the history behind NA, the types of stories that stem from their experiences and what issues girls who decide to leave or escape the sex-trafficing scene will face as they move forward. We talked about what the counselling curriculum could look like and how Jess and I could help with this as they try to create and implement this into their centre in Thailand. Additionally they shared with us practices that didn't seem to work in terms of therapy that they had already tried, what wouldn't fit culturally etc. This meeting was very useful and it was exciting to be moving forward.

-Reading books, watching documentaries.
Last week I checked out two books by Bryant-Davis, the first, some of you are familiar with: Thriving in the Wake of Trauma, and a new one to me is Surviving Sexual Violence. Both books take a look at what it's like to survive and cope with trauma. The second book is also very important as it directly relates to violence that stems out of sexual trauma. It is very insightful and it is a good reminder that though perhaps the actual sexual encounter is not "violent" from the world's perspective, it is still violent in that it is a violation of body, mind and soul. (Also, generally these sexual encounters ARE physically violent, which just adds another layer).

I am a documentary freak. I literally will choose to watch a documentary before bed every night, but sometimes Joel gets his way and I let him choose. Luckily for me, he fell asleep early last weekend so I was able to watch this very insightful and powerful film:

This film looks at the systemic problem of "Gendercide" or the murder of female babies, in China and India. While the film mostly deals with the inferiority of females in these two countries, it also points out the fact that many unwanted girls end up in the sex-trafficking industry. This film claims that the only way change is possible is through educating cultures that women are just as valuable as men. There must be a cultural shift in the minds and traditions of rural India and mainland China. If leaders, men, educators, fathers, mothers etc. will believe that girls are just as important as boys, there is a chance that the gendercide could end. However this inferiority has roots so deep in culture and tradition that sometimes it seems hopeless. If systemic change was possible, we would see brothel numbers diminish as now these girls and women would be valued in the home, work place and in society as a whole. If you have a free hour and a half I highly recommend watching this film-it's available on Netflix. It made me realize how lucky, blessed, grateful I am to have been born into a family and culture that accepts women and girls (the U.S. still has a ways to go) and that I was allowed choice, opportunity, education and and have been loved and valued my whole life. I am grateful.

Thursday night I am attending Not Abandon's fundraising event in Woodinville, so I'm sure I will post something about that experience. It's going to be a powerful night-if you'd like to join Jess, Rachel and myself, let one of us know and we can give you details.
Bless you.

Building a Home of Health.

Well, it's been 72 hours + since I checked out of one of the most intense and challenging experiences of my life. 
For the past 9 weeks I have been living in Houston, TX where I was diagnosed and treated for Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and a few other traits that aren't the greatest but luckily aren't full blown disorders. The Menninger Clinic, my home for two months, takes a holistic approach at treating patients who seek help for mental illness. The Menninger clinic is world renowned and is always listed in the top 5 mental health clinics in the country. Menninger doesn't just label a patient as "drug addict" or "bipolar", rather they take a look at the whole of a person--they take a systemic approach at healing the mind, body and soul. Menninger doesn't claim to "fix" people, but the staff and team of doctors set up willing and hardworking patients with a firm foundation--it is our job, after discharge to create a home out of recovery. Now, the house isn't going to be finished right away--it will  be reconstructed and there will be constant renovations, but the knowledge I gained from the clinic and doctors are building blocks and a foundation. Aftercare is a lifelong journey. In the past nine weeks I have learned several different types of therapy treatments, practical skills to put myself in a better place when feeling really low, and am much much more attentive to my own feelings and the feelings of those around me. The journey at Menninger was tough, but needed, emotional, but stabilizing, and long, but worth every minute.

Additionally at Menninger, I found myself having huge thoughts about my own spirituality, theology, belief in God, Jesus etc. Thank goodness that during my time there I was able to befriend the clinic chaplain (a jolly Filipino man who grew up Catholic, attended Baptist seminary and now attends an Episcopalian church.). We would meet weekly. One particular week I expressed to him that I had such a hard time reading Paul's letter's in the New Testament. Paul, seemingly never let anything get him down. He was shipwrecked, beaten, abandoned, starved etc and yet he wanted all his peeps to keep fighting the good fight and he never seemed to give up (annoying). I often compare him to what I find in Mother Teresa's letter's and diary. That precious saint was depressed all the time….but was still able to carry on the will of God. Teresa was traumatised (by seeing the horrible ways people were dying in India), she was sad, depressed and lonley and many times she had thoughts that God had abandoned her. She had "dark nights of the soul".
While I will never consider myself a saint, I resonate with Teresa. I have low moments. Past traumas sometimes seize the best of me. My depression and made me paralysed and at times not want to live. Nine weeks ago I thought I was living a night mare and didn't understand the reason I was going through such a hell. Now, as I look to my upcoming Field work with Not Abandoned I realise that my experience can help others.

For my field work with Not Abandoned I will be working stateside, and will help assist in the development of counseling curriculum for Not Abandoned's new Economic Development Center in Pattaya, Thailand.  This center will provide services for young women rescued from trafficking and women still in a sexually exploitive situations.  Specific areas of assistance will be in researching the sex trade culture, unconventional counseling methods that would apply to Thai culture, participating in group brain storming and planning sessions with Not Abandoned staff to design programming and interacting with NA Thai staff Stateside. I believe that my recent experience can be woven into these brainstorming sessions and ideas. After speaking to Alex Miller from Not Abandoned, many (if not all) of the woman who will be attending the centre will be suffering from PTSD. I am currently reading books and reflecting on the trauma class I just took for 9 weeks to see what pieces I can pull to be useful. 
This may sound odd, but I was telling Rachel yesterday, that I've never really felt "passionate" about sex trafficking (I hope I don't sound like a jerk, I just have spent more energy and resources in other personal passions such as orphan care, helping people from developing nations fundraise, and middle school discipleship and programming) . Obviously I care what happens to these women and girls, but this is my first time actually trying to help and advocate for people trapped in sexually exploitive situations. It is interesting now that I find my narrative of trauma as a catalyst to get involved.
My hope that this centre in Thailand and the curriculum formed will help these girls and women on their journey to build a firm foundation, and eventually a home of spiritual, emotional and mental health.